Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
