Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
