Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
this boner is exhausting
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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