So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
