So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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