i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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