Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
