Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
