Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
