You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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