the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
