and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
