My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
