DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
