My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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