The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
