I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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