Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
