I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
