All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we're so committed to being not committed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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