i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
