Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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