We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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