Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
