I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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