She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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