i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
