Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
why is half of my head shaved?
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