Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
