What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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