no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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