roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
