I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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