Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
