Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
