You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
