I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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