I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
