I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
