I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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