Will you blow on my dice?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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