i would punch a child for taco bell
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
