At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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