She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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