I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
