Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
