note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
