i love accidental penises.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
