i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
