So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
