i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
