hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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