I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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